Another Perspective of Mentoring

The Risk of Mentoring

e-Commentary - 2012 from Graceworks

Written by Soo-Inn Tan (posted with permission)

Friday, 01 June 2012 08:45

"I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." (1 Corinthians 3:6-7 NIV) Recently I spoke at a camp for Malaysian Care, a Malaysian evangelical ministry committed to meeting human need in Jesus's name. They work among groups like the urban and rural poor, drug addicts, and prisoners. I am deeply encouraged by their commitment to show God's love in very difficult situations. I was honoured to speak at the camp. The new executive director of the ministry welcomed me and reminded me that I had done his marriage preparation and conducted his wedding, and had had him in one of my discipleship groups. He called me a mentor. I praised God and must confess to some degree of "parental pride." But I have another confession to make. At first, I couldn't remember. All the events he referred to took place about twenty years ago. I had forgotten. And we had not been in touch for a while. I was somewhat embarrassed but as he shared I began to recall some of the times we had spent together. It began to come back to me. The whole incident reminded me of a key principle of ministry. We are called to be faithful, to do what the Lord has called us to do. We cannot know what our ministry will result in down the road. Indeed we may never know until the life to come (1 Corinthians 4:5a). And surely we cannot guarantee how people will turn out. There are too many variables. And finally that is God's call. We are just called to be faithful. I have been committed to mentoring for a long time now. I am as enthusiastic about mentoring now as when I started more than thirty years ago. If anything I am even more convinced that the key way to grow people is to walk with them. Relational ministry is very demanding in terms of time and energy. I am more preacher than mentor. Mentoring takes a lot out of me. But I am committed to mentoring because it is the primary way to shape lives. It is Jesus's way. He called His disciples so that they might be with Him (Mark 3:14), to be in a relationship with Him. Lives are changed through relationships. However I don't think that mentoring will ever be a popular ministry. It is very inefficient. Since it is so time intensive you can only mentor a few at any one time. Mentoring requires transparency. Your mentorees will come to know your strengths and weaknesses. Clay feet are soon revealed, a threat to leaders who want to maintain a facade of being people who have it all together. And mentoring, powerful as it is, cannot guarantee how mentorees will turn out. Bernice and I have found out that some mentorees who held so much promise, never fulfilled their potential while others, whose lives were a mess, turned out spectacularly. Mentoring then, as in all we seek to do for the Lord, demands that we be faithful. Our job is to "plant and water" but only God can give the growth. I know so much more about mentoring now than when I first started. I made all sorts of mentoring mistakes along the way. Yet once in awhile you meet someone like the present executive director of Malaysian Care. And you know it's God. Who are you walking with? .

Mentoring and Spiritual Formation

In Homer's great epic, the Odyssey, Odysseus, king of Ithaca, sets sail to lay siege to Troy, leaving behind a young wife and an infant son, Telemachus. However, he also leaves behind his trusted friend to instruct, train and guide his son to be the future king. "I leave with you this son, whom I so tenderly love; watch over his infancy if you have love of me, keep flattery far from him; teach him to vanquish his passions."[1] This man's name is Mentes (Greek) or Mentor (Latin). Thus the word "mentor" entered the English language. A mentor, as defined by the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, is a trusted counselor or guide. A person who is being mentored is called a protégé. If I were to ask you to name the greatest mentor in the New Testament aside from Jesus, who would you choose? I believe most people will choose the Apostle Paul. My vote is for Joseph of Cyprus. This unassuming man, after knowing Jesus Christ, sold part or all of his lands in Cyprus and donated the proceeds to the church in Jerusalem. He stayed on in Jerusalem and had such a wonderful reputation that they called him Barnabas, which translates as the Son of Encouragement.

It was Barnabas who chose to be a mentor to Paul when he first came to Jerusalem to meet the church there. The disciples were understandably suspicious of Paul, their former enemy who persecuted Christians. It was Barnabas who sponsored Paul and won the confidence of the rest of the apostles (Acts 9:26-27).

Barnabas and Paul were sent out on a missionary venture and it may have been Barnabas who convinced the companions who joined them in Paphos that Paul was trustworthy (Acts 13:13). When Paul and Barnabas disagreed over giving John Mark a second

chance, it was Barnabas who took John Mark under his wings (Acts 15:36-38). Later Paul

came to depend on this young man. I believe that it was due to the mentoring of Barnabas that Paul became such an effective mentor himself. He proved that when he wrote as a mentor to Timothy, "And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others" (2 Tim 2:2).

Without Barnabas, Paul may not have had such a profound influence on the development of the early church. After Barnabas had mentored Paul, Paul started mentoring a large number of protégés. One of Paul's strategies was to mentor protégés from different parts of Asia Minor. At one time, Paul's entourage consisted of nine men: Sopater (Berea, Macedonia), Aristarchus and Seccundus (Thessalonica). Luke (Philippi), Gaius (Derbe, Galatia), Timothy (Lystra, Galatia), Tychicus and Trophimus (Ephesus, Asia) and Titus (Achaia). When Paul's protégés returned home, they could effectively spread the gospel. Hence with this precedent in the early church, it is surprising to discover that mentoring is not commonly done in our churches nowadays. Instead mentoring has become popular in the secular world, especially among those in management.

How is mentoring different from discipleship?

Discipleship is different from mentoring as the table below shows:

	Discipleship	Mentoring
Is it scriptural?	Taught and modeled in Scripture	Modeled in Scripture
Models in Scripture	Timothy	Barnabas
Primary basis of interchange	Content	Relationship
Type of role	Teaching new believers spiritual truths	Caring for and helping a person in all aspects of life
Whose agenda?	Discipler's agenda (spiritual disciplines)	Protégé’s agenda (goals/problems)
Training required	Academic knowledge and personal mastery of the spiritual disciplines	Practical experience relevant to protégé
Time frame	Limited time for duration of study	Life-long as needed
Focus of time together	Teaching the spiritual disciplines	Supporting toward maturity in all areas of life
Modern role parallels	Disciplined mature teacher	Loving uncle, aunt or close, more mature friend
Essential message	To mature spiritually, here is what you need to know, do, or become	How can I help you get where you are going?

(modified from Biehl, 1996, 29-30)

As we can see from the table above, discipleship is narrower in its objectives while mentoring is broader and helps to develop a more holistic person. This involves a long time and is not as objective-oriented as discipleship. Basically in mentoring, a more mature Christian is helping a younger Christian grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally through the stages of his or her life. It is a long-term commitment. As my mentor Dr Philip Cheong once commented. "We can help develop a spiritual life one-mile wide and one inch deep or one-inch wide and one-mile deep." Mentoring is building a spiritual life that is one-mile deep.

To show how mentoring can fit into our ministry, Bobb Biehl, who has consulted with the various ministries of Campus Crusade for Christ since 1980, has this to say:

In a year’s time, you may see 300 students come to Christ in your Campus Life program. Out of this 300 you will probably have 30 that become involved in a leadership program in which you will disciple them over a years period in the Ten Steps to Maturity. But when the year is up, you may say, "God bless you. Go in peace!"

This is great! You do wonderful work! But consider what would happen if you were to choose one to three students out of your discipleship 30 who you think have the most long-term potential, the greatest heart for God, or the highest potential to lead all of Campus Crusade someday and say to them, "I'd like to be one of your life mentors." Mentoring can be a logical extension of the discipling process for a few students per year, and the discipling can continue.[2]

Mentoring means building deeply into a few disciples for more lasting influence. It may

be considered an extension of the many discipleship programs available. Mentoring builds up spiritual maturity in life situations and the stages of life. In some cases, mentors choose the persons they want to mentor and approach them. In other situations, Christians who want to develop in their spiritual life seek out mentors to help them.

The mentoring process

The mentoring process is a process of spiritual formation both in the mentor and the protégé. Frequently mentors have shared that they have learnt as much from their protégés as their protégés have learnt from them. Mentoring is not a teaching program but a sharing of life experiences. Often it involves spending time together and the protégé sharing what problems or difficulties he or she is facing at the moment. The mentor then shares out of his or her own life experiences in similar situations. Eugene Peterson wrote, "The life of Christ emerges from within the actual circumstances of our seemingly very unspiritual lives — the daily stuff of ordinariness and accidents and confusion, good days and bad days, taking the humdrum and the catastrophic both in stride."[3]

The mentoring process should also be saturated with prayer and study of the Word. In any mentoring process there are three parties present: the mentor, the protégé and the triune God. Both the mentor and the need to learn to be sensitive to the leading of

the Holy Spirit who will lead them into the depths and mysteries of God in everyday life.

Conclusion

Good mentors are hard to find. A good mentor can make a lot of difference in our spiritual formation and can help us discern the presence of God in our lives. Mentoring can help to facilitate our spiritual growth. The church needs a great number of good mentors — godly, mature men and women who are willing to invest their lives in a few younger people. What a difference that will make in the expansion of the Kingdom of God.

Published in The Great Commission: building movements everywhere, March 2007, 10-11,13

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[1] Quoted in James M Houston, The Mentored Life: From Individualism to Personhood (Colorado Springs: NavPress. 2002). 33

[2] Bobb Biehl, Mentoring: Confidence in Finding a Mentor and Becoming One (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers. 1996), 31

[3] Eugene H Peterson, The Wisdom of Each Other: A Conversation between Spiritual Friends (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1998), 53

The Best Way to Learn

The reputation of Abba Ah Beng as a spiritual master with great wisdom, skilled knowledge and mastery of the Bible spread far and wide. One day, there came to the gates of Sow-lin monastery, a young man who has been searching for truth, happiness, joy, and the right way of living. After many years of travelling, many diverse experiences, and many hardships, he realised that he had not found any answers and that he needed a teacher. So he came to Abba Ah Beng. On seeing Abba Ah Beng, the young man immediately he went to him, threw himself at his feet, and said, “Please, Master, be my teacher.”

“Well, you can join my disciples in their classes,” Abba Ah Beng began but was rudely interrupted by the young man. “No! I do not want to be taught in class like your disciples. I want to be taught by you directly.” “I am sorry then because you will have to seek your guidance elsewhere,” Abba Ah Beng dismissed the young man.

The young man is still determined to be taught by Abba Ah Beng so he knelt just outside the front gate of the monastery, refusing to move until Abba Ah Beng acceded to his request. It was during the winter season and the disciples from the monastery helped the young man by passing him bowls of hot porridge and occasionally digging him out of the snow. After about 10 days the young man fainted and there was a commotion as the excited disciples wondered whether they should do CPR and volunteered disciple Ah Lian to do the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

With Abba Ah Beng’s permission, the young man was brought into the monastery and nursed back to health. One day, Abba Ah Beng sent for him. “So are you still keen to learn from me?” asked Abba Ah Beng stroking the few strands of salt and pepper coloured hairs that make up his beard. “Yes, I do” said the young man. Abba Ah Beng thought deep and long. Then he looked up at the young man with a gleam in his eyes.

“I normally teach and spiritually form my disciples following my monastery’s curriculum for Christlikeness. However I will make an exception in your case and make you my personal assistant. You will make appointments for me on my iPhone diary which I do not know how to use and remind me of them.”

Happily the young man accepted the post, thinking that the great spiritual master will give him extra teaching in between his busy schedule.

Wherever Abba Ah Beng went, his new personal assistant went with him. But although the Abba spoke to many people who came to him for advice and counsel, he never spoke to his personal assistant. And he continued to teach his disciples but the young man was not invited to the teaching sessions. After three years, the young man was so disappointed and frustrated that he could no longer restrain himself. One day he burst out in anger, saying to Abba Ah Beng: “I have sacrificed everything, given away all I had, and followed you. Why haven’t you taught me?” Abba Ah Beng looked at the young man with great compassion and said: “Don’t you understand that I have been teaching you every moment you have been with me? When you bring me a cup of tea, don’t I drink it? When you clean my desk, don’t I say: ‘Thank you very much’?”

The young man could not grasp what his Abba was saying and became very confused. Then suddenly Abba Ah Beng shouted at the top of his voice: “When you see, you see it direct.” At that moment the young man whose name is Augustine realised that he had received the best teaching in the monastery.

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Can Man and Woman be Just Friends?

Recently Scott McKnight asked in his blog The Jesus Creed, Can We Be Friends (A Woman Asks a Married Man)? He highlights an important question concerning the relationship between man and woman. Should a married couple be inclusive or are the spouses allowed to have different sex friends? The answer is not as easy as it seem. McKnight puts this into perspective when he gave two scenarios.

A scenario: your daughter or your son is now married, and delights in his or her spouse. Your son or your daughter come to you and says, "I have a close friend, of the opposite sex, who is not married. That person would like me to have coffee alone just to chat. Mom, Dad, what is your advice? What is your wisdom?"

Scenario two: what are the principles you use in your cross-gender relationships? Do you have any conscious principles? What are they? Any concrete lines over which you will not cross?

Philosopher Gilbert Meilander, writing in First Things (June/July 1993) Men and Women-Can We Be Friends? pinpoints the problem.

When we ask this question, the first problem that comes to mind is the one raised by Harry Burns in the 1989 movie, When Harry Met Sally. In the opening scene, as he and Sally are driving together from Chicago to New York, Harry says: “Men and women can't be friends—because the sex part always gets in the way.” Harry has a point—indeed, an important point.

In any relationships between man and woman, the 'sex part' are always involved. So is it possible for spouses to be good friends with those of the opposite sex? Will it be detrimental to the sanctity of a marriage? Is there such a thing as a 'platonic' friendship? This is specially relevant for Christians as they consider spiritual friendship and spiritual mentoring.

What do you think ?



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